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It can be hard to tell the players without a scorecard. Especially for a
drama as long-running as Thaxted. Even the author can get lost from time to
time so what of tender readers? Never fear, here is an alphabetic list of
the more significant characters.
ALEC: The 14th Lord Home and possessor of other, numerous titles. Foreign
Secretary in various Conservative cabinets during the 1960s. The inability
of a lord to move to the commons arguably deprived Britain of potentially
her greatest prime minister.
ALFRED: Husband of BEATRICE and later ENID, father of MURIEL and PEGGY.
Shared his gifts of determination and bloody mindedness with his youngest
daughter
ANDY: A foreign minister. A prejudice against Asians hampers his diplomacy.
ANTHONY: A Prime Minister. Husband of NIGELLA, father of several children,
none called LEO. His 'Middle Way' combines the best features of Fascism and
Trotskyism.
ARTHUR: A miner, unionist and Communist. Only wants what is best for the
Soviet Union and, by extension, Britain. Not a Schachtmanite. See MAX.
BARBARA: Briefly Minister for Industrial Relations in PEGGY's cabinet but
generally overlooked and given jobs beneath her ability. Subsequently
airbrushed from the narrative.
BARRY: A great American. Possibly the greatest 20th century president the
USA never had.
BEATRICE: Wife of ALFRED, mother of MURIEL and PEGGY. Had great confidence
in the abilities of her younger daughter.
BETTY: A civil servant. Number 10 would be cut off from the outside world
without her.
BILL: Highly decorated military leader of America's war against South East
Asia. Makes RON laugh.
BILL: Left the Labour party for the Liberals with GEORGE. Not many people
know this.
BILL: Bearded comedian and musician. Accompanied JOHN on his move from _I'm
Sorry, I'll Read That Again_ to the Bonzos.
BILLY-BOB: A USAF Lieutenant from Mobile, Alabama. Ill-health following his
release from the infamous 'Hanoi Hilton' prevented him organizing a UMW
local in his home town.
BOB: As you know, Bob is a pen-friend from JIMMY's RAF days.
BOB: LYN's Defense Secretary. His belief in the supremacy of mathematical
solutions to problems in the conduct of War led him to the Dallas Program.
BOB: The Labour Whip who tried to stop PEGGY's Programme. Subsequently
airbrushed from the narrative.
BOB: A soldier and restaurateur. Exploded but survived. Foot-loose and
fancy-free.
BOBBY: A president. Husband of CAROLINE, father of many. An effete Ivy
Leaguer.
BRENDA: A monarch. Wife of PHILLIP and mother of NEDDIE. Strong-minded,
fit and reactionary.
BRUCE: A Catholic priest. Has an old-fashioned opposition to H-bombs and
use thereof.
BUGGER-LUGS: Director of Light Entertainment at the BBC. Emulated his DG's
hands-on style by producing JIMMY's chat show.
CAROL: Daughter of JIMMY and PEGGY. Since university she has been
air-brushed from the history of Thaxted.
CAROLINE: Wife of BOBBY, mother of children too many to enumerate. Of the
Cincinnati de Camps. Friend of JIMMY's at Oxford. Something of a parlour
pink.
CECILIA: Wife of WILLIE. Her turkey soup is to die for.
CHARLES: Methodist minister at the Grantham chapel. Friend of ALFRED and
BEATRICE, married PEGGY and JIMMY. A Socialist but at least a proper
Protestant.
CHARLES: A president. Negative. Succeeded by GEORGES.
CHARLES: A taoiseach. Spent much of his early period in office in exile.
CHARLES: A senator. The one bad Republican in Thaxted.
CHARLIE: A generic name for soldiers of the PAVN.
CLEM: A Prime Minister and subsequently an elder statesman. HAROLD mended
fences with CLEM after the death of HERBERT.
CYN: Wife of JOHN.
DAVE: A vandal and principle private secretary.
DAVID: A dreadful man. Self-styled 'satirist'.
DAVID: A reputed advertising genius.
DAVID: A doctor, politician and intriguer. Thinks he's so smart but his
suit is all crumpled. Subsequently airbrushed from the narrative.
DAVID: An archbishop. While some were dismayed by his flexibility in
jettisoning outmoded dogma others saw his embracing of Higher Criticism as
dragging the Church, kicking and screaming, into the 19th century. Most in
the CofE adopted a middle position - naturally - "He may not believe in God
but at least he's a Trinitarian."
DENIS: A good egg, despite being a bit of a loner. Revolutionary Socialist
and Triumvire.
DENIS: The archetypal Tory back-bencher. Exploded.
DENIS: Permanent head of the FCO under JIMMY.
DICK: A president. Unsuccessful in 1960 and 1968 but winning in 1976 and
1980. Not a quitter. Not a crook. Widely credited with the collapse of
Russia from capital-S Socialism to lower-case-A anarchy during his second
term. HARRY did not share the view of later historians. Arguably the
greatest president since Lincoln but see ROOSEVELT.
DOLORES: The American counterpart of BETTY.
DON: Father of MIKE. De jure Foreign Minister. EDDIE lets him do the dirty
jobs. His morale and morals may have dropped as a consequence.
DONALD: See DUNCAN.
DUNCAN: Not his real name. Resourceful chap. Inspired JIMMY to grow a
stansgate. A retired civil servant, now an English teacher. Only you never
really stop being a civil servant.
DWIGHT: America's oldest President until the final year of DICK's second
term.
EDDIE: A prime minister. Husband of MAGGIE. Tallish, with a head shaped
like an avocado.
EDWARD: Friend of KENNETH and JIMMY at Oxford.
EDWARD: ENOCH's Heritage and Culture Secretary. Capable of so much more.
ENID: ALFRED's second wife. Has china teacups like the posh people use.
ENOCH: Minister for Defence and Prime Minister. Multi-lingual. Just as
sane as you or I.
FATHER CONRAD: Priest-in-charge of the parish of St John the Baptist, Our
Lady and St Lawrence's, Thaxted. Father-in-law of FATHER JACK. Trotskyite.
FATHER JACK: FATHER CONRAD's son-in-law, curate and successor in the parish
of St John the Baptist, Our Lady and St Lawrence's, Thaxted. Stalinist.
GERALD: First boyfriend of PEGGY. Stalinist. Relationship broken by the
Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact.
GEORGE: Just too frightful. Left Labour for the Liberals when PEGGY
achieved the leadership. See BILL.
GEORGES: A president. Obliging.
GRAEME: The name of both of the stars of the hit television comedy 'The Two
Graemes'.
GUSTAV: A composer. Thaxted's favourite son.
HANK: A diplomat and trouble-shooter. Had an unhappy childhood, which he is
now overcoming.
HAROLD: Husband of MARY. An opposition leader. Left parliament in 1969
declaring, "Twenty-four years is a long time in politics." Arguably the
greatest prime minister Britain never had.
HAROLD: A prime minister. Washed away by EDDIE's watershed victory.
HARRY: A Royal Navy commander and skipper of HMS Cavalier. Exploded.
HERBERT: Father of a promising daughter. A mentor to HAROLD.
HENRY: A saint and founder of the One True Church.
HEZZA: A heart attack deprived Britain of potentially her greatest prime
minister.
HILARY: Son of JIMMY and PEGGY. His future options seemed to be either
'wastrel' or 'Liberal' when he was airbrushed from the history of Thaxted.
HITLER: A madman.
HUBERT: A vice president. A minor financial scandal arguably deprived
America of potentially her greatest president. Although he has his
detractors. See CAROLINE, BOBBY, LYN.
IAIN: A leader of the opposition. Served in a variety of cabinets.
Arguably the greatest prime minister Britain never had.
IAN: A soldier. Exploded.
JACK: Husband of MAUREEN. A taoiseach. Middle name 'Mary'
JAMES: Head of the Secret Service, charged with guarding the President.
JENNIE: Wife of NYE. Prefers quantity of votes over quality. Triumvire.
JEREMY: Husband of MARION. Liberal leader. Led the party during the
'Liberal Revival' of 1976 that saw the Liberals gain almost as many votes -
but less than a fifth of the seats - as the conservatives. His last year as
leader was dogged by scandal.
JESUS: The Worker. "He hath made of one blood all nations," as the verse
stitched on His Red Flag reminds us.
JC: A messianic politician. As often happens, a magdalen was his undoing.
JIM: Chancellor of the Exchequer and Foreign Secretary. Not a happy man
despite his nick-name of 'Sunny Jim'. Subsequently airbrushed from the
narrative.
JIMMY: Son of WILLIAM and MARGARET. Brother of MICHAEL. Husband of PEGGY.
Father of CAROL and HILARY. MP, Viscount, Foreign Secretary and
Director-General of the BBC. Populariser of the stansgate. The inability
of a lord to move to the commons arguably deprived Britain of potentially
her greatest prime minister.
JIMMY: A unionist with reputed crime links.
JIMMY: A vice president. Ran for president in 1976 but he was not in the
same class as DICK.
JOHN: Married to ONO. Journeyed from middle-class liberalism to supporting
PEGGY's Programme to Anarchism. Comedian, composer, performer and producer.
Bald by choice.
JOHN: Shadow postmaster and Minister for Energy. Subsequently went missing
from the narrative.
JOHN: A civil servant. Supported many of BOBBY and HANK's schemes.
JOHN: Husband of CYN. A musician. Introduced JOHN to ONO.
JOHN: Sang JOHN's song 'Bathsheba' at his funeral.
JOHN: A bishop. Not averse to morris dancing.
JOHN: A Texan and confidante of LYN's.
JOHN: MP for Maldon
JOHNNO: A civil servant.
JOHNNY: See CHARLIE.
KEITH: A hereditary baronet, Chancellor of the Exchequer and a gorgeous
butterfly.
KEN: A Labour Leader. Represents not so much a re-birth as an after-birth.
But anyone who likes newts can't be all bad.
KENNETH: Friend of EDWARD and JIMMY at Oxford. Later wrote a biography of
PEGGY, marred only by the fact that it was written but half-way through her
premiership.
LANCE: A Deputy Prime Minister. Boring and a Launcestonian, if readers will
forgive the tautology.
LEO: Writer, revolutionary and exile.
LIONEL: An Attorney General.
LIONEL: A rabbi. Possibly the best hope of finding a _Via Media_ between
the One True Religion and the One True Church.
LYN: A president and cornpone hillbilly.
LYN: A general secretary. One of the few casualties in the coup of 1972 -
suicided by shooting himself in the back seventeen times.
MAC THE KNIFE: A prime minister. RAB's predecessor. Also known as Maurice,
Harold and Lord Stockton.
MADDY: The lead singer of the Anarchist folk band The Levellers.
MAGGIE: An Australian. Tall, like her husband EDDIE.
MAO: A chairman and an unattractive old man.
MARCIA: A secretary to HAROLD.
MARGARET: Wife of WILLIAM, mother of MICHAEL and JIMMY. The Dowager Lady
Stansgate was the first President of the Congregational Federation.
MARION: Wife of JEREMY. Loyal to a fault.
MARY: Wife of HAROLD. Thaxted may have been more interesting if readers had
been privy to her diary.
MAUREEN: Widow of JACK.
MAX: The original Schachtmanite. Split with LEO on whether it was the USSR
that had gone wrong or just STALIN. Split with PEGGY on whether LYN should
be supported against UNCLE HO.
MICHAEL: Son and heir of WILLIAM and MARGARET. Elder brother to JIMMY.
Killed following a plane crash in WWII.
MICHAEL: Leader of the non-revolutionary Socialists in the Parliamentary
Labour Party. Possibly the greatest prime minister Britain never had.
Labelled 'the Dead Donkey'. Politicians can be so cruel.
MICHAEL: A comic. One of the more unlikely people in ROSS' Unison, an
organisation richly blessed with unlikely people.
MIKE: A journalist. Son of DON. Shares MR HAWKE's gusto if not his
capacity.
MISS HUAN: A translatrix. Said to be attractive without her glasses.
MR HAWKE: An Australian. His capacity for alcohol is legendary, even by
antipodean standards.
MR SNEDDON: An Australian. One of a "new generation of Victorian super
troopers", whoever they might be. As in our timeline he died on active
service. See ROCKY.
MURIEL: Daughter of ALFRED and BEATRICE, elder sister of PEGGY. Went to
Birmingham to become a nurse. This must be the Thaxted equivalent of
Charlene the motor mechanic marrying and going to Brisbane because Muriel
seems to have been subsequently air-brushed from history.
NATASHA: One of a number of translatrixes who share this name.
NEDDIE: A seaman. Son of BRENDA and PHILLIP. Deaded.
NEIL: The creative genius of the Bonzos, the Bonzo Dog (Doo Dah) Band.
NEIL: Along with CLEM and PEGGY one of the three successful Labour prime
ministers to date. A Luxemburger.
NICKY: An advertising guru. Long hair.
NICKY: One of the early leaders of the USSR.
NIGEL: An advertising guru. Looks like a solicitor.
NIGELLA: Wife of ANTHONY. Her baked ham with Coca-Cola is to die for.
(Licks fingers.)
NGUYEN: A comrade.
NGUYEN: A general and head of the Saigon police.
NORRIS: Brother of ROSS. Widely believed to be the more innocent of the
twain.
NYE: Husband of JENNIE. Has other claims to fame but none of them were
mentioned in Thaxted.
ONO: An artist. Her nickname, given by her soon-to-be husband JOHN, was
inspired by Ono no Komachi, the 9th century waka poet and beauty. Intense.
PARKIN: A constable. Exploded.
PAUL: A musician with the Beatles. Now a quiz master.
PEGGY: Daughter of BEATRICE and ALFRED, sister of MURIEL, mother of CAROL
and HILARY. The inscription on her equestrian statue in the town of Thaxted
suggests that, arguably, she is the greatest Prime Minister Britain ever
had.
PETER: A vandal. Exploded.
PHILLIP: A nice young Greek prince. Husband of BRENDA and father of NEDDIE.
QUINTIN: Lord Hailsham, a Lord Chancellor. The inability of a lord to move
to the commons arguably deprived Britain of potentially her greatest prime
minister.
RAB: A prime minister, sandwiched between MAC THE KNIFE and ENOCH.
RATU: A president. Exploded.
REGGIE: A Home Secretary. His blackballing by the magic circle from the
premiership arguably deprived Britain of the greatest prime minister she
never had.
RINGO: A drummer with the Beatles and the Bonzos.
ROCKY: He could have been a contender. He could have been the greatest
American president of the 20th century.
ROLF: Forty years living in the UK have not prevented him being the
quintessential Australian.
RON: A general and exponent of the Australian Way.
RONNIE: A unionist, actor and governor. Arguably the greatest 20th century
president America never had.
ROOSEVELT: A tool of the plutocrats.
ROSS: Brother of NORRIS. Head of Unison. Comparisons with ARTHUR are
enjoyed by neither.
ROY: Minister and generalissimo. Rather pleased with himself. Used the
same elocution teacher as PEGGY and JIMMY.
SAM: A senator and chair of the Senate Select Committee on the Conduct of
the Vietnam Conflict. Lacks the non-partisan impartiality of his colleague
BOB.
SHIRLEY: An early supporter of the Programme. Subsequently airbrushed from
the narrative.
SINE NOMINE: Those without names. The CIA agent who exploded IAN. The
Conservative leader between ENOCH and HEZZA. The almost 3,000 Britons and
10,000 Fijians who died for Liberation.
STALIN: No better than HITLER.
STEVE: A Lieutenant. Exploded.
SYD: Also known as Roger. With the money he made out of the punk folk
movement, he was able to realise the dream of putting his old band back
together and touring the world. While the band didn't make dollar one and
the album 'Paupers at the Gates of Dawn' failed to chart, they still had a
lot of fun.
TED: Fascinatingly single. A Chancellor of the Exchequer and later Liberal
Foreign Affairs spokesman. Possibly the greatest prime minister Britain
never had. Enjoys a big organ and the company of sailors. Dislikes being
overlooked. Star sign: Cancer.
TEDDY: An Attorney General. In a timeline where BOBBY is not assassinated
his drinking is not unusual by the standards of the Kennedy family.
Destined for greater things.
THE EMPEROR: Increasingly eccentric.
THE HOLY MAN: Washington's new friend in Iran.
THE MUG: So good his parents named him twice. Serving a 99 year sentence
for attempted murder.
TIM: The unacknowledged head of The Levellers, an Anarchistic folk band.
TOM: Member for Malden. Later Lord Bradwell and the Lord Chamberlain.
UNCLE HO: Patriot and aggressor.
VO: A general. The Butcher of Hué. But see ENOCH.
WALT: A journalist. Coined the phrase 'Watershed Scandal'.
WALTER: Major-General Walter 'Howling Mad' Walker. Scares BILL. Despite
his nick-name, as sane as you or I.
WHITEHOUSE: Mary, the national head of the Viewers and Listeners
Association. ENID is an acolyte.
WILFRED: A civil servant. Private secretary to both RAB and ENOCH.
WILLIAM: Husband of MARGARET, father of MICHAEL and JIMMY. MP for both the
Liberal and Labour parties, later a Viscount.
WILLIE: Husband of CECILIA. A bluff, amiable, no-nonsense Tory. Exploded.
YURI: Spy master, minister for industry and coup leader. Founded both the
United Republics and Wedgwood-Bennism (Non-Leninist). Distrusts
international frameworks of justice. Died around the time Russia fell into
anarchy.
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